The Hunt for Sexual Freedom
The therapist tells the tale.
This young woman couldn't look at me. She couldn't look me in the eye. She was ashamed of sharing how she loved online pornography, especially doing solo.
When I asked her if she had opened up to anyone or shared with anyone, she said she hadn't told a single person. I was the first person she told. Interestingly, as I got to know her and built trust and rapport, she opened up when she knew I wouldn't judge, invalidate, or look down on her. This particular lass was searching and had decided to fulfill her inner desire with online pornography. It was a symptom.
My conclusion with her was simple. She didn't have a tribe. She didn't have a community. There was nowhere in her life in which she felt she could reclaim her power and be sexually free. For her, the ultimate solution was joining a martial arts club. It wasn't just the tribe she got. It was the "spark" she felt from the physical freedom to touch found in sparing. I remember she said to me, "You know, before I joined the club, if someone said to me grab my arm, I would have to think about it, but in the dojo, grab means throw.”
